| I Think I'll Act Anti-Celibate and Throw Grenades at a Christmas Choir -o my god |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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| new journal |
[30 Jan 2005|12:16am] |
so i have a new journal.
check ur info for new friends....
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[26 Jan 2005|07:19pm] |
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kenna-redman |
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i think i'm gonna make a new journal cuz i'm sick of this one. i haven't decided yet because i form stupid attachments to material things.
come to think of it, i haven't done much today except clean, get ready, address personal finances, watch sex and the city, vh1, and hang out with jon or shall i say joo jie. I really wanted to go to looney tunes today or borders. maybe i can do both. I feel like finishing my cursive collection and looking at a few magazines. i'm boring i guess.
i want someone to come with me....
and yet again not invited and oh well. there's a reason why things happen the way they do. cause and effect for everything.
tomorrow i have school and i don't wanna go already. i spent 15 bucks on pizza. i think my dad should pay me back. haha.
i'm sick of comments saying shut up, get over it bla bla bla, i wanna complain so you get over it. it's my journal. don't read it. i'm not asking for your two sense. i'm not stupid. i know i'm irrational and i have to deal with whatever. i am completely aware.
so nick left me a comment on myspace. yay. and then we talked online for a bit. we need to hang out already!!! the best part about living in the city was being by nick and now we're not close and it sucks. he turned 21 the other day. so happy bday to him.
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[25 Jan 2005|11:24pm] |
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kenna-war in me |
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my first day of classes was pretty good. i really like my intro to journalism class. I have a feeling it's going to be a good class. and as it turns out, becca and allie are in my class. muy bueno. From there i went to blockbuster to work and an hour and a half of work is not so bad i must say. I went into my entrepeneurship class and that's ok. That's going to be my awkward class where I'm gonna pray to god everyday that we don't do group work.
i started to ready diary by chuck palahniuk, got in 14 pages, and then needed a nap. So I slept for a while and apparently glo called during that time. So when I woke up glo asked me to go to walmart with her to exchange her fish tank. We looked around for gloves, but those seem to be short in stock. We headed towards target. I got a green poka dotted lamp shade for my lamp that was shadeless. I got a notebook. Glo thinks it's flimsy, but I still think it's pretty. Cold Stone was in our future folks! We barely made it there alive or at all due to this big not-so-swift truck. I got this i forgot the name ice cream and it tasted like a light french toast. it was delish.
I put in my sex and the city dvds season 4. aidan is so sexy. he kinda reminds me of stephan jenkins. as you all know that was a huge obsession of mine. carrie is sooo stupid becuz big is ugly. haha i get so into this show it's sad. becuz i have no freakin life. there were no hot boys in any of my classes and if any are remotely attractive they're all preppy and not my type anyways. bah to suffolk and long island for a short supply of boys.
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| my anaconda don't want none unless u got buns hun |
[25 Jan 2005|12:47am] |
so the past two days i wanted pizza. i never want pizza. maybe tomorrow if i'm lucky.
i don't want to go to school tomorrow nor do i want to go to work. but it shall all be done with by at latest 1 45. not too shabby.
i stopped by blockbuster with cupcakes. i stayed there til 11. i just took a bath and it was ehh. i guess its better when i have a book to read.
bleh not much to say. adios.
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| yeah i'm not coming back |
[23 Jan 2005|10:50am] |
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fiona apple |
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today is the perfect reason to quit blockbuster so i am content with my decision.
right now my dad and brother are digging us out of our home. i have work in nine minutes. and they're not even done with the front stoop.
my parents keep telling me there is a state of emergency and no one is supposed to be on the roads. but i have to be at blockbuster because i'm sure people desperately need their movies or they will surely die. da da da daaaa megan and brittany to the rescue! here they come to save the day!
brittany said that sean was coming in in case i couldn't make it there. we'll see how this goes. i'm having my dad drive me there since he has a bigger car. the only reason i felt it necessary to go into work is because i didn't yesterday and i was supposed to, but my parents wouldn't let me which is kinda silly seeing as other people made it there fine causing a line that reached to the new release wall. but then again, they don't live in medford. they live around the corner in bayport. oh well. i'm hungry. i bet the people won't be at the bagel store. who knows if i'm even gonna wanna walk over there for a bagel. i am hungry. time to check the biscuits. 3 minutes...
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[22 Jan 2005|02:27pm] |
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ugh already another entry.
i'm annoyed that my parents won't let me drive. godddaaaaamn cuz i actually want to go to work. i guess cuz i figure its better than being here.
they even made sure they parked my car in the backyard so i can't get out. wonderful.
so i straightened my room up AGAIN because that seems to be the only thing i ever do when i'm home. ugh i want to paint so freakin badly. i need more canvas and paint asap. if i could drive i could go get some but i can't gah.
how come my ipod seems to always play the same artists when i put it on shuffle?
my shoulders hurt and i don't know why.
i'm not lookin forward to walking around campus on tuesday through all this snow. and i feel as if no one, absolutely no one, is gonna be around this semester. so much for meeting new people and seeing old friends huh. everyone either drops out or they're finished. man i wish i was finished, but i know i do better, a lot better, when there is not so much on my plate, and really, there is no time limit even though i feel there is so much pressure to be done with school by the time i am 21. i now know that that is just not a possibility for me. i don't think i've messed up or slacked off, it's just unfortunate i suppose seeing as i completely broke down last semester. ugh if i only knew what the hell i wanted to do with my life...or what i would be capable of doing.
a record store would be key, but i have no clue how to even get started with that.
music journalism would be nice depending on me not having to do interviews. and that's kinda impossible i think in journalism. i just want to go to shows for free (or not, although free would be cool), get vip treatment, watch the show, take pictures, take a little video maybe or record a bit of it, write about the show or the current album they're promoting and be done with it.
i could just be a writer. i don't know if i could possibly write anything too lengthy though. my mind wanders.
i would love to work with an independent record label...finding new talent, but how would i be so lucky to get a job like that? what kind of schooling do you need for that?
maybe i should just invest in singing lessons and start a band, and hopefully get over singing in front of people. haha. the only problem is i doubt i could ever live off that seeing as i would never want to sign to a major record label or be on mtv. i've thought about this in-depth. and, if we ever made a video i wouldn't want to be in it. if i was i'd reside in the background. cuz afterall, i don't want it to be about me. i don't know if that makes any sense because i go back and forth in my head about this as if i was actually in a band. last nite i was talking to some kid who met me at the king kullen parking lot in middle island at the jared vigil and he asked me if i was ever in a band and i told him nah. he had mistaken me for someone who was in a band and i found that to be pretty cool. ahh look at all that rambling. but anyway, yeah the non-pictures of me and my band...sorta like sunny day real estate. they only released one picture of themselves, or so i read. buuut, i have seen one of their videos and they were def in there. so i think whatever i read had their information wroooong.
did i mention i got my tickets for valentines day yesterday? who's excited? i am!
today's show was rescheduled to next saturday the same day of the bravery show. gah! that's the bravery's only ny date! buuuut if the times are still the same i can still go to that show. i think. cuz that show is in brooklyn and starts at 8 30. and the show today was supposed to end at 7 30. so that would give me an hour to get from farmingdale to the north six. ugh. if only someone wanted to go to that show with me!!!! listen to new music! and then like it and then accompany me!
i think if i was born years ago i woulda been a dead head like my mom.
i want to visit london. i've been talking with an english accent as of late...
my mom's making pot roast. i'm not in the mood for it. what's wrong with me? and...i'm finally losing weight. it's nice. i feel crummy today though. i feel like dressing up more and then i think to myself who the hell is gonna see you. you're just gonna be sitting in your room writing in your lj all goddamn day. which is why i'm wearing my white lifetime shirt.
i think i will start watching tv until i can think of something else to ramble about.
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| snow day |
[22 Jan 2005|01:18pm] |
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the prosaics-now the shadow of a column |
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IMPORTANT!!
I am the Avalanche has decided to take a snow day! Tonight's show at the Downtown
in Farmingdale, NY has been rescheduled due to the major snowstorm. The show will now
take place on Saturday, January 29th 2005 at the Downtown. All tickets for today's
show will be valid for next Saturday. We will also be announcing another show shortly.
so there ya go. no show. i guess that works out for me seeing as my parents are paying me not to leave the house. they weren't gonna let me go anyway but since i made such a fuss about having to go to work and bla bla bla they were like well what does blockbuster pay you and then they paid me to stay home. so i feel really bad for glo and brittany cuz they are stuck there and i can't get there. and i was actually looking forward to going to help them cuz i have this weird enjoyment out of running tapes. yeah ok. gah now i really wish i had gotten paint and canvas cuz i have ideas folks and today would be the perfect day to start a portfolio. i finished prozac nation so i don't have that to read and i can't really decide what to read and i started watching vanity fair last nite. i got pretty far but didn't pay attention much. i guess i'll attempt to play the sims. cuz that game is addictive and will take up a large portion of my day.
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| unlikely celebrity crushes i have |
[21 Jan 2005|11:00pm] |
i think jay is hott.
i don't know why but i find henry rollins attractive.
and of course how could i forget hal sparks.
annnnnd i couldnt find any good pics of michael ian black gaaaah..
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| my head hurts |
[21 Jan 2005|04:04am] |
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the honorary title-anything else but the truth |
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so tonite i played wallyball. at first i was scared. and that feeling continued after the first two minutes of playing when i hit myself in the face with the ball. how embarrassing. so then i do worse cuz i;'m scared of the ball. and since i;'m doing worse i hate my life becuz i like to get frustrated with myself. and then i get over it and start hitting the ball and i'm feeling more confident and then the lights go out and we continue to play. and after that we win. finally. after two games of losing we win the third and final game. the four of us. so now despite the headache i wanna play wallyball. i want to play tomorrow but i know no one will be around to or will actually want to. gah.
i realized tonite that this will be my first valentines without having someone. that sucks. its seriously been five years. i always had managed to swindle someone to "be mine." i guess not this year. oh well. those candy hearts are bitter anyway.
but in other good news to get my mind off my singleness i will have some eye candy. glo and i will be going on our sixth date to see the honorary title on valentines day. and i hope to see them the day prior with derek at the knitting factory. its not as if i have anything better to do.
talking to sean tonight made me feel a lot better. he said not to worry about saturday. i offered him fifty bucks cuz i couldn';t find anyone to cover my shift but he said not to worry. i keep feeling like i have work today and it bothers me a lot, but i know i dont. atleast i think so. i know i have work sunday. 11- 530.
i start school on tuesday which i'm kinda happy about. not really about waking up so freakin early. and by early i mean earlier than the 12 noon i have become accustomed to. i have intro to journalism at 9 30 and then a big break til entrepeneurship at 12 30. and then on wed i start volleyball and i am really excited about that cuz doug is in that class.
i watched run ronnie run again with derek. i'm outta french vanilla cream. bah to that.
so now the bravery is playing next saturday. is anyone gonna wanna come with me? everyone jumped on the honorary title bandwagon months after i had so is it gonna take another couple of months before anyone will give the bravery the time of day. i promise they're good and if you like head automatica or the faint you'll like them. just go..... come on...it'll be funnnn...
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[19 Jan 2005|11:52pm] |
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i need to start taking more pictures of me and my friends.
i was supposed to see philly tonite but the snow sucks.
instead glo and i went on our fifth date. <3
which consisted of chinese buffet, cookie, a mike vidal, and video games.
tomorrow i shall take myspace pictures. cuz i'm gay.
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| mmm coffee breath |
[19 Jan 2005|03:11pm] |
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rilo kiley-with arms outstretched |
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i can't wait for tonite. it was grand waking up to snow. i love it.
no coverage for saturday. who needs an active seller anyway?
i already bought my ticket so suck a nutt.
mwahahahahahahaha
my hair looked so pretty last nite. maybe tonite i could duplicate it.
i need to take some more moolah out.
i worked out last nite.
all i ate was some spaghetti and chips n salsa.
i watched how to lose a guy in ten days.
i could be a lesbian.
i was listening to the prosaics but now red animal war is on. not too shabby.
derek, i've found the perfect school for you and i.
oh now rilo kiley is on.
i want to ge that game where u shout the movie names.
maybe i should get that for tonite. yes? no?
i should download some music for the trip.
although all i really wanna listen to is the stills and the prosaics and the good life.
any objections gloria?
ok i think it's time for a shower.
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| kick her in the cunt<3 |
[19 Jan 2005|02:01am] |
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the stills: still in love song |
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1. pierce your nose or tongue? nose but i already have that so maybe i'll say tongue
2. be serious or be funny? i like a little bit of wit now and again
3. drink whole or skim milk? i drink two percent
are you:
4. simple or complicated? i'm leaning towards complicated
do you prefer:
5. flowers or angels? neither although i do like angel wings in a trendy sorta way
6. grey or gray? grAy
7. color or black and white photos? black and white
8. lust or love? i've done the lust thing its ultimately unfulfilling...
9. sunrise or sunset? sunrise becuz u can watch the sunset with anyone
10. M&Ms or Skittles? m n ms
11. rap or rock? rock
12. staying up late or waking up early? staying up late. as if it wasnt obvious
13. TV or radio? radio if its 107.1, tv if its vh1 or fuse
14. eating apples or oranges? apples
answer truthfully..
15. do you have a crush? not anymore
16. eek! indeed, eek indeed.
do you prefer..
17. being hot or cold? i'll say cold cuz i;'d rather put layers on then take layers off
18. tall members of the opposite sex? fuck yeah...if ur not taller than me u have a problem
19. sun or moon? moon
20. emeralds or rubies? emeralds.
21. left or right? left
22. having 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? 1 best buddy...
23. sun or rain?: i'd have to say although i do love the rain but sometimes the sun gives me a headache so maybe the rain...both
24. vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? vanilla
25. green beans or carrots? i like both but probably carrots unless the green beans are french style
26. low fat or fat free? fat free
miscellaneous..
27. what is your biggest fear in the world? not doing anything with my life
28. kids or no kids? none, maybe one
29. cat or dog? although i love both of my dogs dearly i'd have to go with cat cuz i like being able to pick her up
30. half empty or half full? half empty
31. mustard or ketchup? mustard only if its honey mustard
32. hard cover books or soft cover books? soft becuz then i can fold them over
33. newspaper or magazine? magazine.
34. sandals or sneakers? sneakers!!!!!
35. wonder or amazement? both
36. red car or white car? red
37. happy and poor or sad and rich? happy and poor.
38. singing or dancing? all singing all dancing crap of the world
39. hugging or kissing? hugging
40. corduroy or plain? on what exactly?
41. happy or sad? happy.
42. blondes or brunettes? brunette for boys
43. what time is it? 2 16
44. nicknames: megs
45. names of siblings and age: dustin, 17
46. pets: cat n dog
47. height: 5'2 maybe
48. eye color: green blue
49. hair color: blond at the moment
50. piercing(s): nose, three in each ear, belli button
51. what do you want? a boyfriend. an endless supply of money, to be in a band and sing good...to be skinny
52. where do you want to live? ny, brooklyn cuz thats where all the good bands are at now, cali, boston, london
53. how many kids do you want? one at the most
54. what kind of job do you want? something with music. something with a record label. music journalist/reviewer. columnist. record store owner. something that will make me happy
55. do you want to get married? yes. rockabilly style
which is better?
56. 2 doors or 4 (on a car)? 4
57. coffee or ice cream? coffee.
58. shampoo or conditioner? shampoo.
59. bridges or tunnels? both just like the song
60. one pillow or two? i would like to have a bed full of pillows
favorites
61. salad dressing? the kind i get at applebees on my oriental chicken salad
62. color of socks? green!, argyle!
63. food? sandwhiches. chinese. pot roast.
64. color? green.
65. non-alcoholic drink? coffee. orange soda
random : what were you doing..
66. 1 MINUTE AGO: this.
67. 1 DAY AGO: talking online in the bathtub
68. 1 WEEK AGO: probably reading prozac nation
69. 1 YEAR AGO: probably sleeping or with glo or phil or ro
70. I MISS: first semester, past relationships i had with people, jared
71. I AM: numb
72. Wearing: faded monkey shirt n jammy pants
73. Current music: on air library i bought the cd n havent really listened to it
74. Current Taste: eww its gross
75. Currnent Hair: i had a good hair day and no where to go
76. Current Annoyance: loneliness, stagnancy
77. Current Smell: nostrils
78. Current thing I should be doing: sleeping
79: Current Desktop Picture: the honorary title
80. Current Favorite Show: i love the 90s sex and the city friday nite stand up
81. Current Book: prozac nation, i think after i finish it i might want a quick read and then start on the book sean got me
82. Current Movie In DVD player: run ronnie run
83: Current Refreshment: water cuz i feel like being healthy
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| happy bday jennie! |
[18 Jan 2005|12:27am] |
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the killers: jenny was a friend of mine |
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so right now i'm in my bathtub. one of the luxuries of having a wireless connection and a laptop. i was planning on reading another chapter of prozac nation, but on the way to collecting my things i noticed i had the internet again. i got carried away reading everyone's livejournals and thought hey i can take this to the bath and write an entry...
today jennie and i went to roosevelt field and tower records. i can't remember which time it was, but heading eastbound on the lie i couldn't do anything but think. i could drive, but i couldn't listen to the music or pay attention to jennie's mulrose state. i was just comatose with thoughts and ideas and epiphonies. and it's sad because i can't remember a damn smidge of what i was so carried away with.
later on we went to applebees. i got my usual oriental chicken salad, the only thing i had consumed today besides half a cup of coffee. it makes me feel like i am being healthy which in turn makes me feel better about myself giving me some hope that the next morning i will wake up with rock hard body. go figure. but anyway, as i looked around at all the college students with their school sweatshirts, sweatpants, and keychains recollecting meeting up with ian before he left for school and running into melissa corea only moment before sitting at our table i thought aloud to jennie confessing how i think i should go away to school.and as i explore my options i tell her that i want to go somewhere close to home so i could drive back whenever i'd want to, not upstate cuz it's too cold, not too expensive either....i like to have options. there's always been this one school that stuck out to me in massachusetts right by boston i think. it was an art school, but it also had a writing major. something i'm interested in. but i dunno it's an idea i probably won't toy with too much.
on the other hand i would really like to go overseas...study abroad. i'd love to take gloria with me but i dunno if she'd ever want to do that sort of thing. i think i'd go to england...i wouldn't have to really learn another language although the slang would be different i'm sure i'd catch on. fag means cigarette...i'm pissed means i'm drunk. i used to know more.
while i was making my coffee i thought of a lot more things to write about, but like most things i lost it somewhere along the way to my current state of being. so i bid you all adieu.
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| not for all the love in the world |
[16 Jan 2005|11:25pm] |
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the thrills-faded beauty queens |
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so tower records is having a killer sale. i was able to get four cds, probably five if i had calculated right. thank god it was open. i love that it's open til midnight EVERY DAY! Best Buy was closed at 8 so fuck them. but seeing as there was this handy dandy sale at tower i guess it was best for me to wind up there anyway. I got sunny day real estate: lp2 aka the pink album, joy division: substance ( i have been looking for that album everywhere! and it was only 8.99), the stills: logic will break your heart (finally got around to buying it), and the thrills: let's bottle bohemia ( i love the song Not for all the love in the world and i thought i'd take a chance). I want to go back tomorrow seeing as the sale ends asap. Rilo Kiley was on sale, and normally i'm not into them but since glo got the cd and i was forced to listen to it i didn't think it was too bad and i would hope it would grow on me. also, a bunch of cure cds are on sale. and as sean told me, i need to start listening to older stuff if i want to be a music journalist. =P
speaking of sean, he's been mighty helpful lately. he told me of this site called www.allmusic.com and i've spent literally all day reading music reviews and artist biographies of all these bands i like and i've come to the conclusion that the new place to be is brooklyn or montreal. that's where all the new music is coming from.
i wish i had gotten back from tower earlier so i could have gone to blockbuster and rented a movie because now i'm not gonna have anything to do tonite and my brother is out getting me salsa for my tostito chips. i can eat them because i barely ate any dinner nor did i eat anything else besides a handful of reeses. whooaaaa baby. i am sooo happy!
leave it to cds to bring a smile to this girls face.
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[15 Jan 2005|03:39pm] |
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the good life-o rourkes 1 20 am |
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i was at a loss when livejournal was shut down. i had no where to go. i guess that's sad.
i have writer's block and i hate it. but my other artistical outlets could be thriving if i had some canvas and new paints and paintbrushes. white oleander inspired me friday morning as i lay still awake thrusting around my covers and pillows.
lately i can't sleep. it's a chore and i'm tired all the time except for the moments when i want to sleep.
i wish my mom would follow through with all her ideas. it's taken me ten years to get her where i wanted her to be.
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[13 Jan 2005|07:21pm] |
i'm quitting blockbuster!!!!!!!!!
does anybody know of any job openings?
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| shhh |
[13 Jan 2005|02:28pm] |
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the honorary title-anything else but the truth |
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the bravery is playing at the north six on january 29th. 8 pm. tickets are ten bucks. i want to go.
i'm getting my dun dun dun NOW NOW NOW. i should take pictures to remember.
i want jennie to post the pics from the show or atleast give them to me so i can post them!
jarrod is hott. <3
glo and jennie i got a surprise for you. hehehe <3
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| waiting on wild horses |
[13 Jan 2005|04:07am] |
when the horses come to drag me away,
i won't fuss and fight i won't plead or beg.
and wherever they dump me i'll lay my head.
i'll sleep it off..i'll sleep alone
until the longing burrows a hole
straight through my sternum
to make its home.
i have this way of carrying on
such fruitless passions fallen from the vine
and the sweetest nectar turns to bitter wine.
but still we drink we drip the bottle dry.
we smash it apart and lick the sides..
recycled lovers expiring the night.
so when the horses come i won't scream or cry;
i've been dying for them to take my life.
and i'll sing of a new birth
a past unscratched.
so don't be sad, we should both rejoice
to the sound of those hooves
down that dark highway
in opposite directions.
wherever they dump us we'll stay.
recycled lovers get so carried away.
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| hell of an update eh? |
[13 Jan 2005|03:21am] |
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the good life and the honorary title |
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woo hooo folks i almost entered an entry with no entry at all and wouldn't that have been silly?!
so i bore my soul tonight. i wore my heart on my sleeve.
thanks to the three of you who listened. it's funny we all feel lonely, stressed out, manic, and crazy...forgetting we all have eachother to keep us from breaking. i don't know about you, but i don't mind breaking your fall so lean on me. i hear i'm perfect height for leaning.
the show was amazing tonight. it made me realize how badly i wanted to be up there and maybe it would make me happy.
i think people should stop trying to be other people. it's more than likely you'll never be them and they're probably more fucked up than you so whats the point. thats why you have your own life and they have their own.
we need to stop stressing and forcing answers. it's hard to say that and stick to it. becuz we are all so impatient and on a need to know RIGHT NOW basis. a wise boy once told me to just go with the flow. things will happen as they are supposed to. everything will fall into place. and ya know what? it actually hurts less.
some people are better friends than others. some take advantage of others. some are forgetful. some only think of themselves. some are bipolar friends. meanwhile there are those who are so selfless, devoted, and caring. i want to be surrounded by those type of people. i think i found a couple of those tonite.
i dunno. i hope i could be considered a good friend. i never really thought i was.
i was talking to phil about getting "got." i think there are a few people who "get" me.
i honestly thing glo is my soul mate. and to say that kinda makes me teary in a corny kinda way. just living across the street from eachother since i was born exactly two weeks later. despite all the fights and the fall outs. i think we build ourselves more and more each time we come back to eachother. no one ever said soulmates were just for "lovers."
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| cleaning to keep myself from feeling guilty |
[11 Jan 2005|10:58pm] |
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merrick |
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i cleaned my room, my laundry, the basement, and the kitchen stove, and anything and everything that was in the sink.
...something is wrong with me....
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